Saturday, November 03, 2007

Don Vito Arrested

I have to admit it right off the bat before I delve deeper into this post. I am a closet Bam Margera fan. I loved Viva La Bam, loved all the Jackass stuff, loved CKY shit from back in the day, and even loved his bullshit wedding show on MTV last year. And of course, when you love Bam, you have to love his whole family because of all the mischief he causes through them.

So it was to my pleasant surprise when I heard Don Vito Margera, the fattest man who is still able to walk, was arrested, put on trial, and now convicted of two counts of sexual assault against two girls, ages 12 and 14. The whole ordeal just took a turn for the ridiculous once the guilty verdict was read.

Apparently, Don Vito, "fell to the ground yelling 'Just Kill Me Now'" as the judge began to recite the verdict in the case. Don Vito's key line of defense in the case were character witnesses like April Margera, Bam's mother. testifying that Don Vito was a "harmless, bumbling man," Not exactly a Cochran-esque defense if you asked me. But no amounts of character witnesses could gte over the fact that prosecutors described Don Vito's behavior the day the crime took place as this:

"This man was out of control during this public event. He was so intoxicated that he peed his pants while with these children."


My sources tell me these are not the girls that got Don Vito put on trial. These are clearly two other unsuspecting blondes that fell victim to the golden touch of Don Vito.

The depiction of ridiculousness continues. Apparently, throughout the trial, Vito — who has to be a double deuce (atleast 400 pounds) — was having trouble breathing so they brought in a wheelchair, paramedics and a defibrillator. The judge finished reading his verdict as "Margera continued to struggle and flail on the ground as the judge, now standing, read the second guilty count, and deputies worked to get Margera's hands behind his back to cuff him and calm him down." This was all while he yelled and yelled some more, "you might as well kill me now," as well as, "I can't f---ing spend the rest of my life in jail," "you cops lied" and "you can rot in f---ing hell!"

Don Vito is going to be imprisoned for a few years for this. Hopefully Bam will exploit it somehow. Can somebody say the first Jackass-themed jailbreak?

5 comments:

jonathanburr89 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jonathanburr89 said...

youve worded this very well and i honestly aggree 100% with you that hes harmless and its part of his character. I dont know if the police are behind it but defenatly the 2 girls were stupid and if they didnt like his kind of homor then they should have not gone near him.

mistyreo said...

I don't think Don Vito is all there.. I mean if you watch the video's even out takes, the man seems like he is mentally challenged. I don't think jail will help him, but I do think his promoters need to realize he is out of control, put an age limit on who he see's and also give him a baby sitter or leash (whichever works) when he is in a public place. Its unfortunate that he does not realize.. the is NOT Bam, and never will be. He cannot possibly expect to be allowed to do what he wants just because he is family. Much love and respect for Bam, I have always and will always be a fan no matter what

skyhighler said...

ok so we all watched the show im sure if ur looking this up watched the show so my point is we all know don vito is slightly mentally challenged second he is wasted every minute of every show its obvious third hes obviously got some issues with women hes a perv so are a lot of men hahah my point is don most likely didnt do this he did his whole ima grab ur tit skit like every time he hugs a woman on the show and the girls got all butt hurt im pretty sure and went and told but he shouldnt have done that to make him a sex offender over that is complete bullshit you can be charged as a sex offender if u get caught pissing in public now hes in the same realm as a fucking rapist and weird fucks like that i mean thats just shit don vito is a bumbling drunkard not a molester whoever charged him with those bullshit charges should be castrated for the shit he will have to go thru till he dies which will probably be soon because hes over 50 now and over 400 lbs and still packn the pounds idk im rambling but all i know is that its don vito hes a fucking perv and no girls under 18 should even be going to his photo signing for that reason lol

Anonymous said...

Skyhighler, periods are tech.