Sunday, September 09, 2007

The Lows of Football

Let's just get this out of the way now. Michigan football blows. And I'm not talking your standard fellacio here, I'm talking about hardcore deep throat. That Oregon game was just atrocious. The team gave up in the second half, and if that isn't an indication the coach isn't getting the job done then I just don't know what is. The defense looked like a bunch of pee wee football players running around with their heads cut off. And meanwhile there was that weird kid who was simply just laying on the ground picking up rocks and not even paying attention. Seriously, it was like that South Park episode from last season where Stan is coaching a little kids hockey team and they end up randomly facing the Detroit Red Wings. But instead of killing (like the Red Wings in South Park) Oregon just launched 60 yard bombs at will.

Even the Oregon fans I talked to postgame were upset at the game. They came halfway across the country to see a good game and instead they watched their beloved Ducks bludgeon Big Blue like they were Florida Atlantic.

Now the question becomes: will this team make a bowl game? Maybe, but does it really matter? I think it would only be fitting if Big Blue goes to the Motor City Bowl here in Detroit and has to face some shit MAC team. But at the rate this team is going, presuming an appearance in a bowl game would be stupid. If you watched the game on television you would have noticed that half the student section left before the third quarter ended.

It's just really disheartening to see the Big House lose all its luster because of a terrible coach and a bunch of players (besides Mike Hart) who are underachieving to epic proportions. As a Michigan fan, I should not have to go to a bar on Saturday and have to hear the Oregon fight song and then not be able to say anything back. But when you get beat down like Michigan did, there really isn't much else to say.

Mike Hart: The only player worth a shit at this point. BTW...loved the postgame guarantee.

I think it's quite obvious that the game has passed by Lloyd and his staff at this point. The times of Michigan being able to just show up and basically say "fuck strategy, we're going to just take it to you" are long gone. I just can't believe how pompous and arrogant this coaching staff is when it comes to playcalling and in game adjustments. They've been facing spread offenses since the beginning of the decade and still have not once been successful stopping them. And the offense consists of handing it off to Hart and hoping he can will himself to 5 or 6 yards or an incomplete long bomb by Henne. I hate these idiot Michigan "fans" who criticize a team like Appalachian State or Oregon for using gimmicky stuff like statue of liberty plays and unorthodox two point conversions. That's part of the game and you're stupid if you think it's possible to just do the norm and win. To be successful in anything, thinking outside the box is an absolute necessity and this program has basically been doing the same thing since it won a national championship 10 years ago.

And when they do take risks, they are stupid ones. Even though this was an absolute blowout/massacre, there was a play to end the first half that pretty much summed up everything I hate about Lloyd as a coach. Michigan is down 32-7, with the ball inside the 5-yard line and four seconds left. Instead of taking the gimme three points, Lloyd turns into sexy Rexy and decides to just say "fuck it, I'm going for it." Of course the team doesn't get in the end zone and instead of having a little bit of momentum heading into the locker room, Michigan is left searching for answers and are down four scores.

I'll leave you with these two factoids to show what the future should hold for Lloyd Carr...

1) The only other upset that can even remotely compare to the Appalachian State debacle was back in 1992 when Arkansas lost to the Citadel. Arkansas' coach was fired the next week.

2) This one courtesy of Drew Sharp in the Detroit Free Press: The 39-7 Oregon win was the worst loss for Michigan since it lost to Ohio State 50-14 in 1968. Following the game Michigan coach Bump Elliot lost his job and none other than Bo Schembechler was brought in to save the day.

Your time has come. It was a nice run, but that national championship was a long, long time ago.

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