Monday, December 31, 2007

New Years' Day Bowl Predictions

I wanted to begin this post with a little lecture about urinating in public. From going out in Maryland over this winter break, I've learned it is a much more serious crime than I could have ever imagined.

So, the other night, my friends and I were enjoying the bars of Bethesda, and as we are walking up the parking garage to head out, my friend -- who shall remain nameless (cough cough The Skin) decided to take a leak in said garage. Ordinarily this would seem like a logical move given how much had been consumed alcohol-wise, and peeing against walls is just more exciting anyways. But where my friend went wrong was he did all this even after seeing two cop cars parked right outside the garage.

And lo and behold, as if he had a camera against the wall to document exactly when piss met concrete, up drove a cop ready to fill out some paperwork. Now, at first, I just laughed because getting caught for pissing in public is funny. But usually when you get caught for pissing in public, it's one of those slap on the wrist 100 dollar fine, and maybe if you're hammered a class on keeping your wanker inside the zipper. But as my friend returned to our car after a good 10 minute lecture from the cop, he had with him a urinating in public ticket worth $1000 or 6 months in prison. Basically, this douchebag cop gave my friend a criminal offense for pissing on a wall. I understand the need to enforce the whole no public nudity thing, but the guy had to take a piss, give him a break.

Sorry Skin, the Man is just against you, I guess.

I'm not saying eliminate peeing in public laws, but c'mon...this is America. This is the same country that allows bands like Nickelback and Limp Bizkit to become household music names. I think that's a bigger injustice than someone taking a leak against a wall...

But I digress, here's my New Year's Day bowl picks in short form because I'm about to start drinking for New Years.

Outback Bowl: Tennessee 31, Wisconsin 24
I think the Vols put up some big plays at the get go and force Wisco to abandon the running game early.

Gator Bowl: Texas Tech 42, Virginia 21
Red Raiders wideout Michael Crabtree begins his 2008 Heisman campaign early by putting up huge numbers.

Cotton Bowl: Missouri 38, Arkansas 31
This one is close because of Darren McFadden, but I think most of the Razorbacks will already be looking towards next season with Bobby Petrino. Add in all this SUV drama with Mike Conley, Sr. and McFadden and you've got a perfect recipe for a Tiger squad looking to show it belongs where Kansas is.

Capital One Bowl: Florida 50, Michigan 24
You think I'm crazy? No way I go with my own school here, I'm trying to prove Matt wrong, remember? Florida is essentially Appalachian State, except instead of having 1-AA caliber athletes, the Gators have some of the best athletes in all the land. A healthy Henne and Hart provide some points against an average Florida defense, but this one could get ugly quickly.

Michigan LB Shawn Crable on Tim Tebow: "He's just an ordinary quarterback." Well Shawn, now I hope he runs circles on you because that's just stupid to say considering he's the only sophomore to ever win the Heisman. Oh yeah, he has 50 TDs this year, too. And apparently he can carry large men in his arms when he may mor may not be drunk.

Rose Bowl: USC 38, Illinois 14
Illinois is not better than Michigan as seen by the Wolverines beating them in Chanmpaign at night without Chad Henne. And this is basically the same USC team that bent the Wolverines over and repeatedly kicked them in the ass in this very same game last year.

Sugar Bowl: Georgia 31, Hawaii 27
Sorry Rainbow Warriors, the honeymoon is over. Georgia was the hottest team in the country when the regular season ended, and for some reason, I don't think rust will be an issue.

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