Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Sean Avery on Sloppy Seconds

It's a dilemma every guy faces at some point in their single lives.

There's a girl that catches your eye after getting introduced by a mutual friend. But then all of a sudden the luster that got you attracted to her in the first place gets removed almost instantaneously when you find out said friend already hooked up with the girl. It happened to me a couple weeks ago. Had some sparks with a random girl who was friend of a friend, but then I recoiled when I heard she had hooked up with the very friend who was the reason we met in the first place. I'm not sure if this is an indictment on me, the friend, or the girl, but there's gotta be something wrong with someone.

Well, turns out the much maligned Sean Avery of the NHL feels the same way. Just for a little background if you aren't the hugest of hockey fans, Avery has been in the public spotlight for almost all the wrong reasons over the years. NHL players hate him because of his physical and oftentimes distracting style of play. He's even got a rule named after him (The Sean Avery Rule) after he tried to distract goalie Martin Brodeur by standing in front of him with his stick held high in the air in the playoffs last season. In the aftermath of it all, Avery called Brodeur "a whining fatboy."

Now the diehard NHLers out there might hate him because he plays the game the way it ain't supposed to be played. But the guy has a pretty darn interesting life. He had an internship with Vogue magazine this past summer that has prompted a screenplay to be written. And for all his transgressions, the guy has pulled quite the haul in the tail department over the years. He's been officially linked with Rachel Hunter and Elisha Cuthbert.

Sean Avery with former girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert back in the day

And that's where the sloppy seconds come in. Tonight Avery and his Dallas Stars visit Calgary, home of defenseman Dion Phaneuf, who is now being officially linked to Avery's ex, Cuthbert. Never one to mince words, I think Sean Avery may have given the world it's first ever sloppy seconds quote when he told TSN:

"I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight."

Usually, you hear about all this stuff in hindsight or off the record, but I think it's pretty obvious that the dilemma that is athletes stealing/talking trash about each other's girls will go on for eternity. Like for instance, for all the hubbub about the Kobe/Shaq stuff over the years, there's no doubt in my mind the whole thing had to do with Kobe trying to save his butt during the Aspen anal outrage by ratting out Shaq for his own sexual escapades around the country.

Dion Phaneuf and Cuthbert nowadays. Is it just me or did the Girl Next Door get less hot since she dated Avery?

All that said, I'm kind of upset I don't have NHL Center Ice for this game. If history tells us anything, where there's a squabble over a girl, there's sure to be a fight.

UPDATE: Avery was suspended indefinitely by NHL commish Gary Bettman before last night's game, meaning there was no fight. Also, Avery's comments go a little deeper now that I've read some more about this. Apparently Cuthbert has also been romantically linked with Montreal's Mike Komisarek and Rachel Hunter is now the girlfriend of Los Angeles Kings center Jarret Stoll. I'm starting to agree with Avery more and more here.

Oh and my opinion on Bettman's suspension? Well, here's an example of how stupid people (or ESPN's Scott Burnside if we're getting specific) feel about this situation:

You would have to search high and low in the hockey world to find someone who thinks Tuesday's punishment was not just, who thinks Avery didn't have it coming. Imagine the thought process that went into Tuesday's act and it's not difficult to see why some hockey people believe Avery needs professional help. Indeed, that may be just what the league and/or the Stars mandate -- get help and try to figure out what lies behind the impulses that led to this point; get help in being a functioning member of society, and then see about the hockey.

Here's how you should feel about this, courtesy of SI's Arash Markazi:

It's amazing that a league that condones fighting on the ice would be so adamantly opposed to a war of words off it. Some might say Avery's comments and behavior aren't the kind of attention the league needs. I couldn't disagree more. Avery isn't doing anything illegal. He's not shooting himself at a club or pushing a security guard against a broken mirror at a restaurant or taking illegal supplements -- he's trash talking. Suspending Avery for making controversial comments before a game would be like punishing a fighter for berating an opponent to hype an upcoming match. Avery knows what makes headlines; unfortunately, the NHL doesn't -- and doesn't seem interested in making them, either.

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