Who Do I Think Should Be the Next Michigan Football Coach?

I can't believe LaLloyd has been semi-officially retired for over a week and I haven't even really talked about the coaching search. As you know from last year's basketball search, I love the chase (Now if only I could get as good at chasing girls as I am with the coaches). Well, I think it's becoming fairly obvious now that Les Miles is the frontrunner be the next head coach here at Michigan. That being said, those close to the situation indicate it isn't quite a done deal just yet. While Bill Martin has requested and been granted permission to talk with Miles following the SEC Title game, the negotiation process hasn't even begun yet. LSU is likely going to sweeten Miles' deal to persuade him to stay, and even though Miles definitely wants to coach his alma mater, as they say...Stranger things have happened.

Now, in my opinion, while Miles is a good candidate, I don't think he's the man for the job. There's no denying he's a talented recruiter and has the best talent in the best conference in America (although Florida could make a case against that). But, just like Lloyd was way too conservative to ever pull off major upsets and National Championships in the current BCS format, Miles takes far too many risks (I think I said this in an earlier post). Talk amongst people who follow the SEC has centered around the fact that Miles sometimes gets outcoached in the big games. And if you look at his record through the years at Oklahoma State and LSU, he's good for two or three losses a year. That being said, he's also never had any really terrible seasons, either.

But if I'm Bill Martin and the powers that be in the Michigan athletic department, I'm looking for a coach that will build National Champions. I'm looking for someone with a history of awesomeness, not just solidness. I'm looking at Brian Kelly of Cincinnati. The guy has won at every level he's coached, whether that be D-II, the MAC, or the Big East. As discussed by my friend, Jack, in the Daily today, Kelly built a juggernaut at Grand Valley State that probably won't be matched in the near future. His teams won three straight National Titles. Then he went to Central Michigan and turned a perennial doormat into an 8-3 Bowl-bound team that scared the daylights out of BCS-level teams like Boston College. And now this season, he's revived what never was at Cincinnati: an elite football team. Not to mention, Kelly is young for a head coach and has the potential to be in Ann Arbor for a long time, which is what Bill Martin wants, I think.


Gotta admit this...Kelly looks like a total toolbag in the picture...but from everything I've seen and heard, dude can straight coach em up.

And anyone who says Kelly hasn't coached at a big time level is just dead wrong. Thinking the Big East isn't elite is shortsighted, and very past tense. The doomsdayers all said the conference was grossly undercompetitive when they lost Miami, BC and Va Tech to the ACC, but look at them now. West Virginia and arguably Louisville are legitimate top-25 programs year in and year out. UCONN, South Florida, Rutgers and Cincy are all up-and-coming. And Pitt and 'Cuse have been good in the past and are really sleeping giants that should be awoken in the near future. If you look at this season, I would argue the Big East was a better football conference than both the ACC and the Big Ten.

There are some flaws, which are correctly pointed out by another pal, Brom in his column today. The man has some missteps (racist remarks) and there are indications his ultimate goal might be the NFL. And the transition from Lloyd to Kelly would be a lot more difficult than Lloyd to Miles, in my opinion. See, Kelly runs the spread offense so the Wolverines current personnel isn't exactly matched up for it. But then again, we have some of the best athletes in the nation, and maybe with Kelly we'll have a coach who will appropriately use said talents.

In the end, neither will be a failure. But I think in the grand scheme of things, Brian Kelly has greatness written all over him. In all seriousness, though, it wouldn't shock me if big Les is introduced as head coach next week.


A new Carr with Les Miles?: Big Les could be screaming at refs wearing Maize and Blue by the middle of next week if things work themselves out smoothly.

A New Word Emerges Courtesy of the Skins

Miserability. It's a new word I've devised to describe what it's like to be a Washington, D.C. sports fan.

Miserability, noun: the act of being a DC sports fan

What's absurd about all this is I came up with this new word after Sunday's demoralizing loss to the Bucs. This was even before Sean Taylor's tragic death. Think about it. The Skins have lost three straight, our best defensive player was shot and killed, Gilbert Arenas is out for three months, and even the Caps recently fired their head coach.



But let's turn to Sean Taylor first because it's obviously the biggest story in America right now. When I first heard Taylor got shot, I wasn't all that surprised given his stormy past. He had that big aggravated assault case a few years back where he apparently pistol whipped some fool who had stolen his ATV. And while the original charges were a little overboard, his plea bargain indicates there had to be some wrongdoing on his part.

And make no mistake about it, when you pistol whip someone, it implies something to me. Maybe this is controversial, but people who pistol whip others can only be described as thugs. Think about it, you have a gun in your hands but instead of shooting someone with it, you walk up and bitch slap them across the face with it. Only a thug has the balls to do that. You can condemn me for being so ridiculously negative about this guy, but the facts are facts. Pistol whipping is thug.

In no way did I think the guy was going to die from these gunshot wounds, though. It comes as a total shock. I was assuming his career might be over, but never in a million years did I think death was imminent. I think, though, in the immediate aftermath and shock of the whole ordeal, people are seriously overlooking the facts of the case. Someone broke into Taylor's house a little over a week ago, didn't steal anything of real value, and left a bloodied knife on his bed. And in the actual shooting, a "burglar" broke in through the bed room and shot Taylor twice, again leaving without stealing anything. In my opinion, there's clearly been some wrongdoing on Taylor's part in this whole situation.


MUGSHOT

This isn't some South American country like Venezuela or Argentina where athletes are threatened merely for having money. The person who shot Taylor had to have some legitimate beef with him, and judging from his past transgressions and shady past, Taylor had to have played a part. People don't break into a house twice and shoot somebody without stealing anything for no reason. The dude who did this had to be pissed off at Taylor. I'm really curious to see what comes out of this case over the next few months because I am not going to be surprised if details come out implicating Taylor in some sort of illegal activity.

For this reason, I've had a problem with this Sean Taylor lovefest going on, especially concerning his character. There's no details out yet, so how can we be jumping to such righteous conclusions. I think the NFL is going to regret having every team hold a moment of silence this weekend when everything is said and done. This wasn't a random act of violence. This was premeditated, and something in me says Taylor isn't the angel we are all making him out to be right now.

That being said, on-the-field Taylor is a huge, ginormous loss. He was our best defensive player, and there's no doubt about that if you've watched this team. Not only was Taylor the biggest hitter in the NFL according to Sports Illustrated, he was also good for at least two or three drops a game just because of his presence on the field. And this season, he and LaRon Landry had built a good rapport with Taylor playing the role of center field in the cover 2 and Landry taking care of the run stuffing and blitzing. Even after missing two games, Taylor was still tied for the lead in interceptions in the NFC.


Big Hit on the Cowboys.

In memory of the man who inspired the phrase "He can hit, you must acquit" during his aggravated assault case, I present you with Sean Taylor's greatest hits courtesy of YouTube.

Now, the Redskins can go in two very different directions because of this. They could either continue the spiral they've already started, having lost three straight and four of their last five, or this tragedy could unite them. Before his death, but after the six-turnover debacle on Sunday, I thought this team was doomed. I've never seen a team find new ways to loss every week, but the Redskins under the current Joe Gibbs regime have seemingly mastered this. But at 5-6, the Skins are still very much alive in the wide open NFC. That being said, the Skins have a game against the Bills this weekend, which I'm assuming they'll be an emotional wreck for. And to make matters worse, their next game is a short week, Thursday game against a suddenly-rejuvenated Bears team.

The eternal optimist in me says they run the table and become the talk of the league for dedicating a late-season run in the memory of Sean Taylor. The realist says 8-8 and maybe, just maybe squeeking into the playoffs.

Wizards Dilemma
Well, I got off my plane to come home for Thanksgiving last Wednesday, and the first call I get is from Graham letting me know my favorite player, Gilbert Arenas, was out for three months with another knee injury. Now, most of America probably think this is devastating to the Wiz's chances of being a playoff team in the newly-formidable Eastern Conference. But wouldn't you know, since Gil's injury, the Wiz are averaging more points a game than they were with him. The increased ball movement courtesy of a true point guard being in the lineup — Antonio Daniels — is the main reason for this.

But where Gil is missed is down the stretch in close games. In the fourth quarter, Gilbert could basically get to the free throw line at will with his ability to not just beat his defender, but also being quick enough to beat the help defender as well. In their home loss to the Warriors last week, Baron Davis was Golden State's Gilbert. He scored at will and the Wiz just couldn't keep up. Now, don't get me wrong, Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison aren't just good players, they are great. But in the 4th quarter, when teams ratchet up their defense, Tawn and Caron just can't get themselves enough quality scoring opportunities.


My only problem with Nick Young is that he's just like his buddy Gilbert and plays next to no defense.

As evidenced by their win over the Mavs the other night (btw te Mavs first home loss of the season) the Wiz are not decrepit without Gilbert. If this current lineup can keep the Wiz afloat (i.e staying at or around .500) while Gilbert is out, I think this injury will help in the long run. Nick Young has already emerged as a semi-valuable option on the offensive end due to increased playing time, and it's becoming more and more apparent just how good Caron is. For the record, he's been playing out of his mind the past couple of weeks.

This Writer's Strike Needs To End

So I'm sure you've all heard about this writer's strike going on. It's made it so reruns are currently being shown on all late night shows (Letterman, Leno, Colbert, Daily Show...although Jimmy Kimmel is still going on...hmmm). It means many TV shows are basically done showing new episodes for the time being. And for some shows, it means it's likely that no new shows will be seen this season, at the very least.

And this thing looks like it's going to drag on for quite some time. The last strike, back in 1988, lasted 22 weeks. If you're not familiar with this mess, let me give you a quick lesson. The writer's union is pissed about the amount of money they are getting from "new media" like profits made off the internet. They're also pissed about the amount of money they get from "DVD Residuals" i.e. the money they get when a show they've worked on airs in reruns or is sold for DVD purposes.


Thank God the writers have Robin Williams on their side. He was a great campaigner in Man of the Year.

The money-conscious CEOs of these major studios are doing exactly what they're paid to do: Make the most money possible for their respective studio. That means not giving into the writer's demands. Who's right in all this...well frankly, no one. The only people getting wronged are the viewers. The CEOs should probably give more money to the writers, but at the same time, the writers are writers. If they wanted more money, they should have become CEOs, not writers.

All I know is, Family Guy is done with all its episodes pretty much. 30 Rock is almost out of new episodes. Scrubs, which is in its last season, will likely not be able to show the series finale because it won't be filmed in time (For the record, it will be filmed and included in the DVD of this season). The Office is done with new episodes, too.

On the bright side, though, King of the Hill, now in its 12th season, has all but one episode written already. And for that, I just gave a silent fist pump. Great episode about the carnival tonight.

Lots to Talk About

So I've been home for Thanksgiving the past few days and have had very little to do except drink and watch sports in HD. And in the process, I've also had the opportunity to catch up with friends who I haven't seen in awhile. Highlight of the weekend has to be the annual Seven Locks Showdown on Thanksgiving morning. Unlike last year, my team lost thanks to some shady gameplanning by myself. Anytime a 150-pound cheebaman is blocking a 230-pound plus former football player, you know it's flawed from the get go.


I didn't realize there were photographers at the game, but apparently they caught one of the snaps where Battey faced off against Friedson. Luckily, I found a shot of it on the web.

But in seeing all these familiar faces, I also encountered some people from high school who I really didn't want to see. And to make matters worse, my memory from the "good ol' days" is shoddy at best, meaning I gave blank stares to people who clearly remembered me. I think the most awkward segment of conversation has to be that moment when the person who remembers you, realizes you have no idea who they are. You, of course, try to backtrack and hold serve by calling the other person 'Dude' 'bro' or simply just 'you'. But, in reality, all of this is a formality. When you're conversation is over, you are going to say to yourself, 'Shit, I can't believe I didn't remember this person'. In the meantime, that person is going to walk away saying, 'That bastard didn't remember me.'

Obviously, the remedy to the situation is simple. Always have a friend with you as a security blanket when entering a situation where meeting old acquaintences is inevitable. So if I forgot your name this weekend, it isn't because I don't like. It's just because you're not worth remembering.

While I was busy not remembering past experiences, I also had the chance to catch a lot of TV. I noted some observations I had during the whole bonanza of mostly college sports...

No.1 LSU loses to Arkansas, No.4 Mizzou beats No.2 Kansas
If you read this blog, you know I've been on the Jayhawk bandwagon for quite some time. And I was definitely trying to pull for them, but ultimately I found myself disinterested in Kansas. They were sloppy on defense, missing numerous tackles. And their offense was stagnant save for a nice 4th quarter when Mizzou stupidly stopped blitzing and went into prevent. Chase Daniel lived up to the hype, dissecting that Kansas D all night long. If he plays that well against Oklahoma next week, he deserves the Heisman, no matter the ridiculousness Tim Tebow has accmplished this season.


Chase proved he was the real deal in a big time matchup. I bet the amount of tail he pulls goes up tenfold in the coming weeks.

As for LSU...well you had your chance. The loss probably means the whole Les Miles-Michigan affair starts to get rolling. He's likely out of the National Title picture, and it would no longer be that big of a distraction should he start negotiating to leave. Now, personally, I'm not completely sold on Les Miles as the next coach at Michigan. He's a great recruiter, but he's coaching leaves much to be desired. He's the complete opposite of Lloyd but seems to get the same results. Lloyd didn't take enough chances, which was good enough for a 8 or 9 win season guaranteed. Miles seems like he takes too many chances, but somehow always seems to get 8,9,10 wins a year. I can't see a risktaker like Miles winning BCS Titles all that often.

As for my predictions for next weekend...
ACC Title Game: BC vs. Va. Tech- Hokies 31-24
SEC Title Game: LSU vs. Tennessee- LSU 41-20
Backyard Brawl: West Virginia vs. Pitt- WVU 51-17
Battle for L.A.: USC vs. UCLA- Trojans, 38-14
Big 12 Title Game: Oklahoma vs. Missouri- Mizzou, 45-42

That's right...West Virginia vs. Missouri for the BCS Title. If anyone predicted that at the beginning of the season, they deserve a Nobel Peace Prize or something along those lines, at least.


The four Heisman finalists should be, in order from winner to fourth place: Chase Daniel (assuming my prediction of a win over the Sooners comes true), Darren McFadden, Pat White, Tim Tebow.

Other Random Ramblings
1. A few weeks back, I read this article on Tennessee men's bball coach Bruce Pearl after a friend at the Daily mentioned how good it was. And if you read this story, which appeared in SI, it talks about Pearl's close relationship with Pat Summitt and how both have had recent divorces, yet draws no connections between the two. Well, I'm calling it now after watching the male Vols drop a game against Texas. It's going to come out that Pearl and Summitt are dating and it's going to affect the enitire season for both teams. You heard it here first.

2. Watch out for George Mason and Folarin Campbell, who graduated from Springbrook the same year as me. They've still got a bunch of players from that Final 4 squad and they look good early on this year.

3. Virginia may have lost to Va. Tech, but I'm sold on D-Lineman Chris Long -- Howie's son -- as a top-5 pick in the NFL Draft next year.

4. Tennessee vs. Kentucky...probably the best college football game of the year. Actually might be the best game of the year...period.

5. Torii Hunter to the Angels makes sense on the surface. But Mike Sciosia can sugarcoat it all he wants...having four outfielders of that quality (Hunter, Vlad, Matthews, Jr., and Anderson) is going to cause problems eventually. If they swallow some pride, though, this team has to be considered the frontrunner to possibly dethrone the Sawx.


Sucks to be a Twin fan right now. That team is lowballing the shit out of two of their studs and it's just because the owners are cheap bastards.

Updates Coming

I haven't exactly had optimal internet access since coming home, but I have been keeping track of my thoughts for the most part. Expect a bunch of posts in the next few days because I've definitely been slacking big time.

Until then, to help get you ready for tonight's HUUUGGEE Kansas-Missouri Border War (I refuse to call it a showdown just because of Osama Bin Laden and 9/11), I present the two sides of Jayhawk coach Mark Mangino.

The Legacy of Lloyd

I wanted to write this post earlier, but I felt like I needed to collect my thoughts on this considering how much trash I've talked about Lloyd over the years.

To start, the coverage of Lloyd Carr's retirement has been different depending on where you are. Nationally, Lloyd's retirement is being seen as a foregone conclusion, something that was expected and for the most part merited. Here in Michigan, Lloyd is being serenaded by the media. The national folks point to Lloyd's 1-6 record against Jim Tressel, his subpar bowl record over the years, and his insistence on acting like a grumpy old man a lot. The people in Michigan, the media in Michigan have been pointing to the fact he has the third-best winning percentage in Michigan history, the third-most wins in Michigan history, and the ability to do it all with integrity.




How do I feel?

Well, frankly, I've got mixed emotions. Looking at the statistics, Lloyd Carr has been a great coach, one of the best according to wins and losses. But do you remember a game where you could say Lloyd Carr won us the ballgame? The big games, for the most part, were his downfall. The bowl games, where preparation is the ultimate key, were his biggest weakness. Preparation falls on the coach. Then there is his stubbornness. Lloyd refused to innovate, when in actuality, he had the weapons that innovation would have worked best with. He got some of the best high school athletes and crammed the Michigan way down their throats. And in modern football, the Michigan way is good for 8,9,10 wins a year, but it just doesn't mix with National Title talk.

Time will serve Lloyd well, though. The numbers look damn good in the record book, and it made me hesitate to bash Lloyd even in the slightest. It makes you think he might just have been underapprciated. To be honest, as much as it is nice to know you're going to compete every year, I'd much rather fail while striving for the ultimate glory. Lloyd Carr, despite winning one national title in '97, could not have done that in the 21st Century. He was a good coach for Michigan, but his time hadn't just come, it was a bit overdue.

Predictions for the Weekend

Remember when I was bragging about how awesome I am because of my college football picks. Well, apparently that doesn't transfer over to basketball. My preseason Eastern Conference pick, the Miami Heat, have looked absolutely atrocious and remain the lone winless team in the NBA after falling to Seattle and Kevin Durant last night. But I want to try my hand at the predicting game one more time. And since I'm minutes away from leaving for the Michigan/Georgetown bball game and my triumphant return to Maryland (although it's only for 14 hours since I'm coming back for the Big Game), I figured I'd try my hand at the whole prediction thing.

And there's a lot of games that have my attention this weekend:

Thursday
College Basketball: Michigan at Georgetown, 730 pm on ESPN 360 — 74-59 GTOWN
NBA: San Antonio at Dallas, 8 pm on TNT — 101-96 Dallas


I love John Beilein...but not enough to think he'll beat GTown.

Friday
NBA: Washington at Minnesota, 8pm on NBA League Pass/CSN+ if you're in DC — 102-99 Wiz Kids

Saturday
College Football: Ohio State at Michigan, Noon on ABC — 31-27 Michigan
NBA: Portland at Washington, 7pm on NBA LP or CSN in DC — 107-100 Blazas (No chance the Wiz Kids can win the back end of two in a row especially when they have to travel from Minnesota to do it)
NBA: Phoenix at Houston — 109-102 Suns


All those records Mike Hart has won't mean anything if he goes 0-4 against the Buckeyes. They'll forever be looking over his shoulder. Here's to hoping Henne plays because rumor has it that shoulder is anything but ready to go.

Sunday
NFL: Giants at Lions, 1pm on Fox — 34-20 NYG (let the annual Lions' free fall commence)
NFL: Redskins at Cowboys, 4pm on Fox — 27-24 Redskins (although this goes against my better judgment...get better quickly Sean Taylor)
NFL: New England at Buffalo, 830 pm on NBC — 38-10 Pats (Just because the Pats are fucking amazing doesn't mean they'll be rusty because of a bye week. Everyone is forgetting that rest is good in football. You come back rejuvented. It's not like the Rockies and baseball where they get rusty during extended rest.)

5 Things I Need to Say

Let's just get right into this...

1. I have NBA League Pass so I've unfortunately watched all five of these Wizards losses. I won't lie, I'm concerned. Gilbert doesn't look healthy and some are saying the Wiz need to rest him for an extended amount of time (say a month) so he can get fully healthy. This team is built around Gilbert being the Gil of last year. They don't play defense so they need to be dynamic on the offensive end. Without a healthy Gil, they just don't have enough firepower to compete in a much more solid Eastern Conference. It isn't just Arenas, though. The whole team is having serious issues with consistently making shots. Don't blame Eddie Jordan because his players are in the right spot, they just can't execute. DeShawn Stevenson might be the worst starting player in the entire NBA. Blatche has been a non-factor. Antonio Daniels gets far too many minutes, especially if Gilbert is remotely close to healthy. That being said, it's still very early. The next six or seven games are all winnable, so we'll see how this team responds going out to Atlanta tomorrow against Joe Johnson.

2. I think it was the right call to rest Henne and Hart against Wisconsin. In the whole scheme of things, it was a meaningless game. This season will forever be defined by that Appalachian State loss, and to a lesser extent that Oregon game. But if Henne, Hart and Long somehow prevail next week against Ohio State, it will deflect some of the attention away from that devastating loss. It won't make it go away comepletely, but atleast there will be something to shield us from remembering it. And make no mistake, the only way Michigan has a chance against the Buckeyes is if Hart and Henne are out there for a full 60 minutes.

3. I have a prediction about what is going to happen over the next few months. The entire country is going to turn against the city of Boston. People are already starting to become disgusted by how many good teams they have. Bill Simmons is making it worse by writing every single one of his columns on a Boston sports team. For me, I haven't started hating the entire city yet. I like how Bill Belichick goes for the jugular. I like Manny being Manny. I'm an admirer of KG and Ray Allen (not really a Paul Pierce guy, though. But around the corner, it's coming. If they all win titles, people are going to be mad. People are going to aboslutely despise an entire city. However, I haven't bought into the Celtics are awesome train just yet. Yeah, they've played well the first few games, but every team goes through ebbs and flows over the course of a season. If this team stays healthy, they have the most talent in the Eastern Conference. But something tells me one of the Big Three is going to be hurt for a good portion of the season. My bets guess would be some sort of hamstring injury to Pierce.

4.Ummm...remember my predictions for the BCS Bowls about a month ago. Look at em again after what happened this week and well...I'll let the predictions talk for themselves:

-LSU vs. Oklahoma in BCS Title Game: Definitely a possibility with the Buckeyes loss.
-Va. Tech vs. Oregon in Orange Bowl: Check and Check, although Oregon could be in the natty title game.
-West Virginia vs. Kansas in Fiesta Bowl: Again, a very distinct possibility both these teams are BCS Bowl bound.
-Florida vs. Hawaii in Sugar Bowl: I was wrong about the Gators. Substitute either Tennessee or Georgia for them. If Colt Brennan wins out Hawaii is for sure going to be a top 12 BCS team making their inclusion mandatory.
-USC vs. Ohio State in Rose Bowl: This one's shaky, although USC can get here if they win out and the cards fall the right way.

As prescient as I've been so far, this could all implode in my face in the next couple weeks. Every team in this group has significant battles ahead where any team coule win or lose.

5. I'm anxious to see what the Nationals do in free agency. I would love to see them pursue Torii Hunter at the right price. If we could lock him in for something reasonable like a 4 or 5 year deal, that would be a coup. That being said, Hunter is a hot commodity right now. The other "elite" centerfielder available is Andruw Jones, who Stan Kasten is apparently enamored with. I disagree considering how poorly Druw played this year and the fact that he's got about two years left playing center before he'll have to be moved over to a corner spot.

Sparty and the Lions...One in the Same

I just had to officially comment on all the shenanigans going on between Michigan and Michigan State right now. I just find it hilarious that the Spartans always seem to find the biggest lunatics ever to coach their football team. Just when you thought you had seen the deacon of craziness, John L. Smith, along comes Mark Dantonio, the most bitter man on the planet.

I mean seriously, you want your team to stop viewing Michigan as the dominant power in the state even though your team is made up of a collection of players the Wolverines didn't want. People who watched last Saturday's game can attest to this...even when Michigan State went up by ten points in the fourth quarter, there was no doubt in my mind they would blow it. As all these girls watching with us were in a panic over the Spartans' dominance throughout the third quarter, I just sat there, smiled and laughed as I watched the inevitable State collapse ensue. But to be honest I did think a little bit about the "Just like football" chant I was bound to hear at the Breslin Center when I cover Michigan-Michigan State in basketball.


You are Mike Hart's bitch.

And before I forget, I wanted to address the Lions surprising 6-2 start. It's a mirage, people. Similar to State, the Lions are basically incapable of not screwing up great situations. I am calling it now before it actually happens: The Lions will collapse. Now, by collapse I mean ending the season 3-5 for a record of 9-7. If they squeek into the playoffs because of the weakness of the NFC, so be it. But they sure as hell won't do any damage in the postseason. I liken them to the 1997 Redskins powered by the Gus and Norv engine. If you recall that Skins team started the year 7-1 and ended it 8-7-1, missing the playoffs and taking a few years off my life in the process (This was also the same season as the infamous Frerotte Sunday night how the hell do you tie a team headbutt game).

So yeah, the Lions schedule looks favorable, but the negatives of being the Lions effectively ends any overall positivity happening.


If my predicted Lions collapse comes true, I say we officially call their ineptness "Wayne Fontes Syndrome".

Don Vito Arrested

I have to admit it right off the bat before I delve deeper into this post. I am a closet Bam Margera fan. I loved Viva La Bam, loved all the Jackass stuff, loved CKY shit from back in the day, and even loved his bullshit wedding show on MTV last year. And of course, when you love Bam, you have to love his whole family because of all the mischief he causes through them.

So it was to my pleasant surprise when I heard Don Vito Margera, the fattest man who is still able to walk, was arrested, put on trial, and now convicted of two counts of sexual assault against two girls, ages 12 and 14. The whole ordeal just took a turn for the ridiculous once the guilty verdict was read.

Apparently, Don Vito, "fell to the ground yelling 'Just Kill Me Now'" as the judge began to recite the verdict in the case. Don Vito's key line of defense in the case were character witnesses like April Margera, Bam's mother. testifying that Don Vito was a "harmless, bumbling man," Not exactly a Cochran-esque defense if you asked me. But no amounts of character witnesses could gte over the fact that prosecutors described Don Vito's behavior the day the crime took place as this:

"This man was out of control during this public event. He was so intoxicated that he peed his pants while with these children."


My sources tell me these are not the girls that got Don Vito put on trial. These are clearly two other unsuspecting blondes that fell victim to the golden touch of Don Vito.

The depiction of ridiculousness continues. Apparently, throughout the trial, Vito — who has to be a double deuce (atleast 400 pounds) — was having trouble breathing so they brought in a wheelchair, paramedics and a defibrillator. The judge finished reading his verdict as "Margera continued to struggle and flail on the ground as the judge, now standing, read the second guilty count, and deputies worked to get Margera's hands behind his back to cuff him and calm him down." This was all while he yelled and yelled some more, "you might as well kill me now," as well as, "I can't f---ing spend the rest of my life in jail," "you cops lied" and "you can rot in f---ing hell!"

Don Vito is going to be imprisoned for a few years for this. Hopefully Bam will exploit it somehow. Can somebody say the first Jackass-themed jailbreak?